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Do I make myself clear?' `Yes Captain', I replied meekly `Excellent. I will explain your duties to you tomorrow at dawn when I expect you to be knocking on my door washed and dressed. At Dawn.'Commander Helen pushed me out of the Captain's office as I thanked her and she called a pirate girl who walking past.`Tabatha', Commander Helen barked.`Yes Commander', she replied instantly.`The Captain would like you to show the new Cabin Boy around the ship and show him where everything is. Afterwards, bring him to my room.'. The girl wasn't as tall at me; no taller than 5ft10 but like everyone I had seen was well toned and well endowed. `Certainly Commander', she said and I began my tour of the galleon with one of the sexiest woman I had ever met.`What are you?', I asked her after we had got out of earshot from Commander Helen.She looked at me strangely and then replied. `We're pirates'`What?', I exclaimed in surprise.`Pirates. You know........sea bandits' `I know what pirates are, but I. .HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE... !!!I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.Note:If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer,one note of caution:There is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor!A three second burst would be considered conservative!A.
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